Tag Archives: men

It’s your special day!

Ah, weddings. The joining together of a couple. Sappy goodness. I have been a DJ for a few weddings and something that I like to do is talk with the bride and groom about what music they want. Sometimes, that’s not what they want to do.

I met with a happy couple a few weeks ago. “Millie” showed me a long list of songs that she “always knew she wanted to play at her wedding.” On the other hand, “Jim” sat and barely contributed at all except to say, “Sure. That’s fine. Whatever.”

I asked Jim if he had any input. and he said that he really didn’t have anything to add because It’s her special day.

Pardon me, but when did marriage turn into a circus where the main act is a woman getting married… and the man has nothing to do with it.

This isn’t just an isolated incident. Television tells young girls that they must be the ones to plan these extravagant events. Shows like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, Bridezillas, and Say Yes to the Dress focus on brides planning their dream weddings and, for the most part, grooms are only shown at the end of the episode at the altar.

If this is truly the most important day in their lives, I believe it should be a joint effort.

Last year, a show called Don’t Tell the Bride aired on British television. It gave grooms a chance to plan their wedding. Everything from the cakes to the wedding dress was their decision. The show even features homosexual and lesbian couples planning their weddings.

This is good TV. Because it’s not just her day. It’s just one of many days that belongs to the both of them. I hope this show sticks around because this is an idea that needs to be heard.

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Like a little girl

“Verklempt” is a Yiddish word meaning “full of emotion”. It’s fine to express happiness in today’s society but not sadness. Why?

I read Mike’s blog post about a great story and he said, “The Jason McElwain story almost brings me to tears every time I watch it.” Almost. I watched the same story and I almost cried as well. Heck, I watched the clip 3 times and got goosebumps and watery eyes every single time. But the tears didn’t fall because I held them in check for two reasons. I was about to go to class when I saw the clip and people tend to associate red, puffy eyes with something bad that happened.

Crying has been taboo in our society for a long time because it is associated with weakness for both men and women. If men cry, then they are “acting like girls.” If women cry then they clearly can’t handle life. In 1994, Sesame Street realized this trend and released a short film saying that it is alright for anyone to cry.

The video says that it’s alright to cry if you’re overwhelmed. Work and school present many overwhelming facets of life. Comedienne Tina Fey had this to say about crying in public or in the workplace in her book Bossypants, “Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”

So crying clearly has an affect on more than the crier. For example, when I see men cry, whether in films or in real life, I feel more emotional than I would if a woman were crying in the same scene. Is it because I have been conditioned that when women cry, it’s normal but if men cry then something has gone really wrong?

A Jezebel video shows how men are portrayed crying in films and it’s usually supposed to achieve a comedic outcome or it’s the result of rage.

I have never seen my father cry. Ever since I was a child, I have seen more women cry than I can count. Is this because women are more sensitive or is it because men have been trained very carefully to never shed a tear?

In this extreme case, an award is offered to the first man to drop a tear onto the table. After over 30 minutes, not one of them can do it. A woman comes on afterwards and produces many tears in less than 30 seconds.

If we’re conditioning males to become emotionless tough machines, it isn’t a wonder that we see so much violence among males in our society today.